I dream
of;
worlds
colliding,
hope
shattering,
goals
withering
away.
Of trailing
corpses and
phantom snakes.
Of lost voices and
unresolved pain.
Of monsters,
demons and
humans
in lust.
In wonder.
In apathy, and
and resolved to pain.
Category: Melancholy
-
-
The power
I
want
over anything
over everything else
is to be able to
push myself to
get over her. To
push myself to kill her. Is it
murder if you’re doing it
for her?
Because you love her?I’d explain that
she
is the biggest
heartbreak I’ve ever endured
the biggest weakness I have
the biggest source of strength I’ve gained
and the most draining thing in my life.I’d explain that
she
is the strongest
woman I’ve ever met.
And it’s not fair for us to see her so frail and fragile;
that she’s incapable of even
breathing on her own.
It’s not fair that
her mother, sisters and brothers
have all given up.
But here we are, husband and kids.
Her true kin, watching her fading away slowly
unable to help her get to her destination.I’d explain that
she
has given us the
superpower to
live with the weight of
her breathing carcass-
pulling us back
back
and back again
to that hospital
she’s existing in.I’d also explain
we
can’t
keep gravitating to her because
our powers are fading.
We’re turning into shells.
We’ve been drained
of all the love
we could ever possibly have.
We’re losing.I’d explain
that
it was
self-defense. -
You
found me
alone in
an unlit room;
running around
in circles;
chasing my tail.You
asked
what I was doing;
I smiled and said
“I’m content,”
(even though
that wasn’t really your question).
“but, are you happy?”I cringed,
“don’t ask questions like that.” -
They ask.
They always ask:
what your drive is:
what your aim is:
what your lifelong goal is.They ask
you
where your sympathies lie;
where your heart flutters;
why your heart flutters?
how you want to live;
who you strive to be like;
who makes you who you are?They take all those answers from you
about
your-
self:
future;
present.But they fail:
to ask about your past;
your demons;
your weaknesses;
your unexplained fears;They-
don’t-
care-
about all the things
that held you up
to be this
version of yourself that
they find interesting.They
don’t care about
all those skeletons in closets;
all those days spent mourning;
the sad moments that gave you
this strength that
they applaud.They
don’t ask;
how many times you’ve been defeated
how many times you’ve had your heart broken.The truth;
they don’t want to know
about what’s lurking within those
shadows of yours;They
don’t need to know what it is;
what you are.They
just need to know:
you’re
less beautiful than them. -
With every
sway
swelter
up
down
or tremble:With every clamp
graze
twitch
or clutch:With every slip
and every break
you put between us:
You move
beyond
hills
valleys
or mountainsI crash;
I explode;
I burn. -
She opened her eyes to once again reunite with a world that she feels alien in. She opened her eyes with a suffocating passion towards something she can not control. She opens her eyes to find all the doors she saw in her dreams closed shut.
Forcing her already wrinkled thirty year old face into a smile. This is how I’m going to look all day. She repeated to herself, forcing an even wider smile. She almost climbed out of bed without giving him a kiss.
She lifted the sand colored mattress to reveal a hidden creased photograph. Her grief-stricken eyes have studied this photograph so many times, endlessly. She can mentally draw it out, spec by spec. It was of a young boy, holding a kite that was half flying in the wind, and half on its way towards the ground. He was wearing a knitted sweater, decorated with holes. He didn’t seem to care that his kite was on it’s way down- his smile lit up the picture like a thousand suns. That smile set her heart on fire again, and she couldn’t let herself go there. After quickly giving the photo a kiss she placed it back under her mattress.
No. It has happened again. Here they come. She mentally fights a million wars within herself daily. Some days are better than others. She screamed, fueled by the momentum of his thousand suns. She begins gasping for air; and the more she gasps the more it hurts; the more she feels it the more it’s real; the more she tries the more she plummets down, down, and further down; into that hole she’s been living in.
There was nothing left to say, she has spoken out and yelled and fought. All words have lost all meaning. She can’t fight with them and prove that she belongs. She can’t prove her love and devotion to this land. She can’t say more than she already has. She wailed to let it out, feeling her heart stop vibrating altogether. There was no more left of her to give. He was all she had. He was the only family she had left, and he was electrocuted to death at the age of seven.
-
Take the care I had for you,
exhale in a balloon made up of your deepest hopes,
and burst it with my bare teeth.Take all the thoughts I had about you,
all the moments I wasted with you jolting recklessly into my mind
at all odd hours of the day,
and charge them into that abyss you seem to be living in.I want to wreck you.
Shatter you.
Power over your stubbornness.
until you’re unable of ever going a day
without regretting
how you crumbled us up with your bare hands
crushing our dreams
with casual routine.I would have loved you,
had you let me
I would have loved you
had you….
I would have shaken you awake,
because darling,
no amount of water would have put out our blaze.Take all the moments you stole from me,
and blend them with the repulsed feeling I get when I remember your face,
and walk away
smiling. -
I am unseen.
Behind all those smiles
all those contacts,
all those hugs,
all those hello’s and how are you’s,
all those followers,
and all those likes.
I am a spec,
a hull,
an incomplete fragment.
I am downcast
I am unloved
and I am unwanted.I am in love-
with somebody,
with something
with an idea,
a notion,
that I once had
of what life should be
of what my life should be.
That is why I am insecure,
and my closest companions are my tears.I am in love with a shell
I am hollow and insecure.
“The first step is to
reach out to friends and family.”
Well, sorry to dishearten you doctor
but where can I fill that prescription?
Because I am not lying,
I am not faking
I am not pretending.“Have you tried to keep up with social activities?”
But doctor,
Have you heard anything I said?
They don’t matter.
Nothing matters.
The world is but a place full
of people like me.
People are made of shades of blue,
the difference is
I am not amused by
likes, followers, films, and guns.
The difference is
my eyes are open and they refuse to shut.“How about you take up a new hobby?”
Words are lost upon you, doctor.
My troubles are petty in your ears.
They resonate nowhere
and upon nothing.I am but an appointment you must sit through.
But who am I to blame you?
Dear doctor,
on second thought I am feeling fine.
You have helped me- thank you.I stepped back into the cold unwelcoming world,
and filled my lungs with hostile air.
Wouldn’t the world be better off
without this love I hold towards
something I do not recognize?
7AWRAA WRITES 